By Jon Loomer

ESPN's Bill Simmons took a minute to reflect, boast, and pontificate following the NBA Cares Celebrity Fantasy League draft on Monday. Also known as "The Sports Guy", Simmons dominates ESPN media via pod cast, TV (on ESPN's new show E:60), and the world's most trafficked sports blog.

2005-06 Celebrity League Champ Bill Simmons
Q: I saw your piece on ESPN.com about going undefeated in fantasy football. What are the odds you go undefeated in the NBA Cares Celebrity Fantasy League?

A: You can't calculate the odds. For something to have odds, that would mean two scenarios could happen. In this case, the only me-not-winning scenario would be my guys riding in the limo at the All-Star game -- because, after all, I have about seven potential All-Stars on my team -- and it flips over or something. So the odds would probably be 10,000-to-1 since this year's All-Star Game is in New Orleans and anything's possible. I mean, I actually took the time after the draft to thank the celebs (as well as Tony Potts) for helping me assemble the greatest fantasy hoops team ever.

Three things people didn't seem to realize: I have all young/durable guys except for Shaq, I don't have anyone on teams that might tank a season or rest the final week, and I have guys who are eligible at multiple positions, so I'll never be short at a position during those weeks where you might have a starter with two games and need a fill-in. It's an insane team. I would have taken Wade or Howard with the fifth pick and ended up getting them both at nine and 14. Ridiculous. My goal is to win the league without ever using the waiver wire. That's not even a joke.

Q: Dwyane Wade first... Risky [editor's note: Rumors have Wade out as late as January with a shoulder injury]. Thinking that even if he goes down for the year you have the cushion to win?

A: D-Wade got hurt last season because he was coming off a 100-game regular season and a summer with the Olympic team. I'm amazed that people forget he's the same guy who won the Finals MVP and averaged 38 a game in the last four games. And he's only 26. Why would I be worried about him? Isn't LeBron a much bigger injury risk coming off a 100-game season and the Olympic qualifiers playing on a shorthanded team? If Dwyane Wade is my biggest question mark, I rest my case.

Q: What's your rebuttal to McKay's prediction that you will finish dead last in this league?

[McKay: "I gotta tell ya, I was shocked by Bill Simmons' choices. I really wondered if he doesn't just have other things going on in his life or he didn't notice they take into account turnovers and missed shots. One of the strangest teams I've ever seen assembled. My number one prediction is that Bill Simmons will finish dead last, and it will do tangible damage to his reputation in the sports world."]


A: I think he was talking about a Bizarro League. I'm surprised he even knew about the draft, I was convinced that the computer drafted his team. His two centers are Brad Miller and Joel Przybilla. This would be awesome if it were 1953. When Miller and Przybilla go head to head, I hope someone posts a video of McKay watching this with his head in his hands on funnyordie.com. Wait, I shouldn't make fun of him - he's going to be trying to trade for one of my centers in three weeks.

Q: What are your predictions for the league?

A: I have four. First, an undefeated season for me. And it's going to be easy - like how the Patriots are doing it right now. By Week 7, people will be wondering if it's the greatest fantasy team ever and trying to put the team in a larger perspective. To repeat: I will go undefeated, and I'm going to do it easily. I want to make this as clear as possible so people don't think I was talking out of my butt six months from now and got lucky. There is no butt-talking. I am going to go undefeated and I'm going to do it easily. Second, I think Sam Jackson and George Lopez will be battling for second place, with a possible challenge by Bernie Mac. Third, I think Kenny Smith will finish last, which he deserves because he let his kids pick his team again. And fourth, Tony Potts will wish by the end of the season that he had just done an Access Hollywood draft with Mark McGrath and eight of the makeup assistants.

Q: What was your most underrated pick?

A: It's so hard to narrow it down, I loved all of them so much. I liked getting so many guys in years where they have something to prove (Harrington, Richardson, Wade, Diaw, even Durant), and I'm absolutely perplexed how Shaq could have been sitting there in the 8th round. Even if he plays 50 games, that's 50 games where you get a center who puts up a 20-10 every game and shoots 60%. But my two favorite picks were Walter Herrmann and Hedo Turkoglu simply because they are going to play an insane amount of minutes this season and I was apparently the only person in the draft who realized this. You shouldn't be able to get a starter in the late rounds who's playing 43 minutes a game and putting up decent stats. Also, I like having Walter Herrmann on my team because he looks like Susan Anton.

Q: Was there anyone you wanted and didn't get?

A: Yeah, I really wanted Corey Maggette in Round 6 and Sam Jackson took him two picks before me. I didn't see that one coming - I almost took him in Round 5 but thought I could wait a few more picks, and I wanted to get Harrington because he's eligible at center. I was hoping Al Horford would last until Round 11, but that was probably unrealistic. And in the 13th round, Tony Potts took K-Mart right before me. Other than that, I got everyone I wanted. I am still in shock that I got Wade AND Howard. Nobody realized that Howard is literally the only rebounder on Orlando, they have no other big guys. He's going to average 16-17 boards a game easy. Who's going to be stealing rebounds from him, Rashard Lewis? JJ Redick? James Augustine?

Q: In preparation for the Celtics' inevitable drafting of Yi Jianlian, you labeled him "The Chinese Brad Lohaus." How ironic is it that he was drafted by the Bucks, Lohaus' other NBA team?

Bill Simmons' Draft
1. Dwyane Wade
2. Dwight Howard
3. Paul Pierce
4. Kevin Durant
5. Al Harrington
6. Jason Richardson
7. Monta Ellis
8. Shaquille O'Neal
9. Boris Diaw
10. Walter Herrmann
11. Marvin Williams
12. Hedo Turkoglu
13. Jason Williams
A: I don't know if it's use the word "ironic," I think I'd go with "tragic."

Q: Now that he won't be on the Celtics, have you changed your opinion about Yi?

A: That would be no.

Q: Do you play basketball at all? More McHale or Mokeski?

A: I'm retired - as Al Michaels would say, I'm out with a back. I had a really unique game. Ugly jumper, couldn't jump, a little slow, but I was a good passer and a good rebounder, and I could shoot threes and stay in front of people. I would describe myself as "fun to play with," which makes the right comparison somewhere between Tim Thomas (when he cares) and Brian Scalabrine. Much closer to Scalabrine, of course.

Q: You're everywhere now. ESPN.com, podcasts, E:60. When is your cereal coming out? What's the next step for Bill Simmons?

A: Trying to figure out a way for my columns to get posted within four hours of me handing them in. If I can accomplish that, anything's possible. But I've been working for ESPN for over six years and take pride in avoiding over-extension (going on 10 different shows and 30 different radio shows and all that stuff). I think writers should do what they're good at, and you're not going to believe this, but in almost every case, it's writing. I like doing the podcasts only because they don't take long and it's fun to interview people - it's a really cool format that can go in different directions. As for the E:60 thing, as everyone behind the scenes can attest, I did everything I could not to be involved short of staging my own kidnapping. But it's a great show and I'm proud to be a part of it.

Q: The Celtics: Assuming the Big Three stays healthy, is this the year? Can it be possible? How do you separate reasonable expectations from hype as a Celts fan?

A: They're a year away from realistically competing to win the title. They'll win 50 games and might even make the Eastern Finals, but the supporting cast is shaky and the coach is shakier. For them to become champions, Rondo needs another year under his belt, and they need to sign one more free agent forward next summer because you can't win a title until you go at least eight deep, and they only have six guys that can be trusted right now (yes, I'm including Eddie House). This will be a fun year for them because people in Boston will be so happy that they're good again... anything else is gravy. We're in the mix again.

Q: Early congrats on the kid-to-be. I have two kids, and my wife brainwashed both into being Colorado sports fans even though she couldn't name three current athletes on any of their teams (I'm a Brewers/Bucks/Packers fan). Because of this, we're going for number three to give me another shot. What would you do if your kids became Yankees or Knicks fans?

A: That would never happen - if your kids end up not rooting for your favorite teams, you failed as a parent and they're probably going to end up in porn.

Point taken.